Ooooh Adam Collin!

Rotherham v Blackpool, New York Stadium, sat nov 29th 2014, Att 9381

Only a week had passed since the Birmingham debacle but Steve had rung the changes big time. Out went Ryan Hall (Notts County), Nicky Walker (Grimsby), Richard Brindley (Scunny), and Rob Millsom ( on the never ending road to Bury). In came Leeds defender Scott Wootton, Tom Lawrence from Leicester, a striker, and Rees James, a defender from none other than Manchester United. It could have been so much better though. I got up to put some washing on and on re-entering the bedroom caught Ian saying  '..........signed Darren Bent'. 'What!!', I exclaimed. Darren Bent,The Darren Bent, former England stiker and firm favourite of mine. Today was the second best day of my life, better than my wedding day, beaten only by the Wembly Win, and beating having children into the distance. 'Brighton have signed Darren Bent', he repeated. Ah. 

If only........

I made porridge, in the jug, and waved out the window at the ever present single magpie. I am starting to get fed up with this superstition malarkey. 'Blackpool is not a must win game' stated the advertiser. Ian and I begged to differ. This was a must win game of the highest degree. 'The cereal situation is at DefCom Bravo' said Chris. Our situation was at DefCom Alpha. 

Vicky had, wisely, decided that her boyfriend Alex's 21st birthdate took precedence over football and had bailed for today so Ian and I took the walk to the New York Tavern alone. As soon as we reached Woolys table they all shouted 'Have you seen the team!!'. It appeared that Steve had decided to try something new, like dropping everyone and starting afresh. No Revell, Frecklington, Arneson, Scarz, Clarke-Harris, Taylor or Bowery. All the new loanees were playing. The want away Broadfoot had guilted his way back into the heart of defence. And somehow Derbyshire was back in the team up front. The natives in the Tavern were very restless, whispers of he dosent know what he's doing, he's clueless, he has no tactical idea were mooted. Even he wasn't happy and he appears to be a relative.

His brother?

I texted Vicky with the news and her reply was far from complimentery.

'4-5-1 with only Derbyshire up front?!?!?????? What is that?!??????? Good luck watching that crap!! Where's Arni and revell and frecks?!?!??????? '

Everyone also agreed with us, this was the must win game of all must win games.

We strolled down to the ground and entered via turnstyle 10, no more 11 or 12 for us. I took my seat and there was a big gap beside me.

In truth there were big gaps all around, although old guy on the end appeared and gave me a beaming smile. 'She didn't last long did she' he said of the absent Heather. 'No' I replied, 'she can't stand the tension'. Miller Bear was playing the crowd nearby, kissing children and old ladies. Vicky will be sorry she missed it.

The new team appeared to polite applause and much bemusement. Pringle had The Bandage on, unfortunately it was only the wrist which does not guarantee victory like The Head Bandage, but is a good sign. Frank sang, we kicked and the ref blew his whistle. We actually started quite well, passed the ball a bit and created a few half chances. Blackpool were poor and created nothing. A trainer flew from the back and landed at the side of the pitch, followed by a small, hopping, boy. A very sweet Blackpool player, Nathan Delfouneso, warming up, retrieved it and brought it to the stand for him. Awwww.

Such a sweetheart...

The villainous Nile ranger was a thorn in Broadfoots side, using his elbow and weight a couple of times, and leading to his substitution just before halftime. Arneson came on to replace him to huge applause. 

At least he didn't pull out a gun and shoot him.

Such a scary man...

The ref blew for half-time at 0-0. Not bad but not brilliant, and once again we had failed to score.

The tweeters were discussing the absent sideshow Bob at halftime and wondering if they had scared him off. One of them ripped a piece of paper up into small pieces and vowed to launch it if we scored, to much hilarity. The teams reappeared, Frank sang, off we went again. This half we ran out of steam a bit and were pretty poor, as were Blackpool. Nothing really happened and we all got bored. Steve decided to bring Bowery on, replacing A Loanee. We blustered a bit more, and then it happened. Derbyshire headed on to Bowery who deftly shifted the ball and shot into the bottom corner. We had scored. Paper floated down and the Fratellis played Chelsea Dagger. The sun came out, people were smiling and hugging each other, Steve was yelling to keep it tight. Only ten minutes to survive against a team bottom of the league with virtually no points. Surely we couldn't slip up, Blackpool were rubbish. Bad news for us was that Adam Collin is clearly a huge Blackpool fan. He took a swing at an admittedly tricky ball and kicked only air. A lurking Blackpool player couldn't believe his luck as he stroked the ball home. Disaster. We huffed and puffed a bit more but two goals in a game is beyond us and it finished all square. We had thrown away two points and it felt like a defeat. We hadn't won the must win game. If only we had signed Darren Bent. Next up Cardiff away and a certain Mr LeFondre.

Men of the match

Ian-Wooton

Jackie - Lawrence

Funniest moment - The Shoe

Quote of the day - 'MillerBear ******off that's my seat' Guy at the front before the match. 

Red faces and Blue noses

Rotherham United vs Birmingham City, Sat Nov 22nd 2014, New York Stadium

At last, the international break is over and higher league football is back. It seems an age since the game at Hillsborough, and the last home game against Middlesborough seems even further away. Lots of things occurred over the last few weeks, amonst them;

-Wigan sacked their manager and appointed Malkay McKay, who had been sacked from his last club for being racist and sexist.

-Isis died on Downton Abbey

-Ched Evans resumed training with Sheffield United causing a slew of patrons to quit and a media storm

-Kari Arneson of Iceland became the highest capped international in Rotherhams history, matching Sean Goaters 18 for Bermuda.

-Ian and I had a weekend away in Robin Hoods Bay where we walked our legs off and drank hot chocolate

-Kathy had a weekend away in Brighton with work where she got drunk and played pointless.

-Tony Stewart announce that from the first on January the stadium would become The Aesseal New York Stadium, a move that I am not in favour with. 

No new players had been welcomed to the Aesseal. Kirk Broadfoot had asked to move out as he isn't playing the first team football he was promised, several fans expressed delight at this. Scott Loach, the number two keeper, went out on loan to Bury. 

The day arrived at last, quite mild considering the previous few days had been cold and very wet. A shame as these foreign players don't like the British winters. Our foreign player, from Iceland, thinks they are warm and mild. Much discussion over the porridge ensued, having drawn the last game with pan porridge Ian declared that was needed once more. We were having visitors over the weekend, with two of them attending the game. Heather and Alex are becoming such big fans they jumped at the chance of tickets. I was hoping they didn't cause trouble as I had bought them with my season ticket and didn't want to be banned for life. Heather asked about the Birmingham fans and was a little worried when I told her that the last time they came there was a near riot involving bricks and planks of wood. It was back in the 70s though and times have changed. 

Ian and I set off to walk leaving Heather and the little ones to get a lift from David. Two single Magpies were spotted and saluted. Does anyone else think they are hunting singly more and more? We all met up outside the sorting office and strolled down to the ground without seeing a single Birmingham fan (they are known as bluenoses).

After much discussion we decided on turnstyle 12, deeming that 9 and 10 had been too unlucky. We showed Heather and Alex our brick in the wall and found our seats. 

Old man on the end appeared and Heather tried to engage him in conversation. I could have told her it was a waste of time. It was good news as Derbyshire was on the bench, along with an Argentinian with an unpronounceable name who we had loaned from Borough, not Bury as we misheard when James told us! It was nice to point out sideshow Bob, although he did have a headscarf on to tame his wild curls. The teams appeared, Frank played, legs were kicked and we were off. Well, Birmingham were off, our players hadn't bothered to turn up. They attacked, and attacked, hit the bar, attacked some more, hit the post, swarmed forward. Their fans sang as if they were going for the record volume at a football match. Ours, much to Heathers disappointment, were quiet as church mice. We barely made it into their half. 'Its too stressful' said Heather 'I don't know how you cope watching them every week'. 'We are used to it' I replied. Excitement ensued near halftime when everyone stood up and stared. ' Someone has collapsed' came the murmur. We knew, the stewards knew, the players probably knew, but the St Johns Ambulance hadn't spotted it. People pointed, stewards yelled, but they still didn't spot it. Eventually they realised someone was in trouble, but instead of rushing over they took a slow walk taking in the scenery. I hope I never collapse at the New York (sponsored by Aesseal). Back to the pitch where the Millers still hadn't bothered to turn up and Birmingham were toying with them like a cat with a mouse. The lady who had collapsed was carried away and amazingly the ref blew for halftime at 0-0. Changes were needed said the tweeters. The consensus being Taylor off and anybody else on. John heard in the toilet that the lady had had an epileptic fit so it must be true. 

Ian had spotted that the goalkeeping coach had been talking tactics with the new Argentinian, he must be the only person on the staff with a smidgin of Spanish, so a change was afoot. Indeed the teams came out for the second half with Taylor absent, and a warm welcome to the New Aesseal York stadium for A.N. Argentinian. Shame that was the last we saw of him. The change didn't make a blind bit of difference, we were still poor. Birmingham attacked, attacked some more, Collin made a wonder save, Morgan fell over and Clayton ***** Donaldson scored (he usually does against us) . We tried more changes. Green for Frecklington. Green did manage to get into a few good shooting positions but forgot that the ball needs to hit the net not the corner flag. Bowey came on and disappeared down the rabbit hole in the centre of the pitch. 'Don't worry' said Heather, 'we can still score'. We couldn't. The final whistle blew and Birmingham had won 1-0 in the most comfortable of manners. Disappointment swirled around the Aes New York Seal Stadium. 'Don't look at the table' said Vicky, 'We are in the bottom three'. Never mind, the only way is up now. And it's bottom of the table Blackpool next. 

Men of the match

Ian - Collin

Jackie - Pringle

Vicky - Collin

Heather - Pringle

Alex - Collin

Ian's award

No worth awarding

Quote's of the day

Ian leaving the ground 'That match was crying out for Matt Derbyshire'

Vicky walking up Don Street through the despairing crowds 'League one is a great league'

Funniest moment

The confusion on the faces of the St Johns Ambulance people when they realised they had an incident to attend.

He loves killing pigs

Sheffield Wednesday v Rotherham Utd, Sat November 8th 2014, Att 26,986

I awoke on the morning of the long anticipated trip to Hillsborough and thought, 'I don't want to go. What if we lose, it will be unbearable.' Our last two results had put me in a negative frame of mind, instead of a top half finish I was suddenly looking below to the relegation zone. The last team I wanted to play at the moment were the old enemy, the dee dahs, the pigs, Sheffield Wednesday. Our recent record had been so good today could only be a let down. I have a vivid memory of standing on Leppins Lane on Tues 28th Dec 1982 and watching a shot by Joe McBride hit a divot and loop over Bob Bolders foot and into the net resulting in a 1-0 win and a famous song.  An even vivider one is sitting in the seats above the Leppins Lane end on Friday 23rd August 2002, right behind a 93rd minute shot by Darren Garner. In my memory he's on the halfway line but records say he was 30 yards out when the ball left his foot and flew into the net. Rotherham won 2-1.

Then there was February 23rd 2002. A 90th minute Richie Barker header gave the Millers yet another 2-1 victory.

And finally there was the Carling Cup game of 12th August 2009, when a late Reuben Reid equaliser saw the game go to penalties, in which the Millers triumphed yet again. So all in all we have a brilliant recent record at Hillsborough. 

Early morning saw Ian watching Bad Dogs, a reality TV show where the 'Bad Dogs' in question were actually a cat, a monkey, and a tortoise that cornered a cat and took a lump out of its fur. Some of these programmes are real eye openers. He then got a disturbing text from Wooly who had had a dream where Ian's car got smashed up by weds fans while parked outside their ground. Ian declared we would go in little red. Wooly also informed us he would be wearing his lucky underpants. I started feeling a little better. I went down to the station to collect Vicky, the town was swarming with police, there appeared to be another march going on in the town centre. Ian, meanwhile, had walked the dog down to Tesco and saw the team bus outside the Carlton Park. Let's hope they were eating not drinking. 

The drive to the ground was worrisome due to traffic, especially around Meadowhall where the whole nation had decided to Xmas shop. 'I told you we should drive through the town centre', Ian proclaimed when we were stuck yet again on the ring road. Close to the ground it was even worse, but we managed to find a gym that was charging £3 to park in its car park. Much better than Derby but not as good as Bournemouth. From there it was only a ten minute walk and we arrived at the away end in plenty of time.

We were in the upper stand, and by a quirk of fate, in almost the exact same spot where I was sat when Darren Garner unleashed his 30 yarder. We were also at the very back among the yobs. One of the hazards of buying tickets first. 

Because of Remembrance Sunday a minutes silence was held during which a bugler played the last post causing a few hairs to be raised on arms. Then we were off.

You may recall Mr Miller, a genial friendly referee from earlier in the season. Today's ref was Mr Miller, his not at all genial or friendly twin brother. A Weds player fell over, free kick, Alex Revell was assaulted, play on. Weds started the better, but we gradually came into the game and finished the half strongly. At half time a kind of 'it's a knockout' situation evolved, with 4000 people trying to squeeze through three narrow gangways into the concourse. Vicky and I managed to prevail and joined the back of the queue to the ladies. (See below). We then reversed the procedure and arrived back at our seats just as the second half kicked off. 

Once again we were the better side, and once again Mr Miller thwarted all our efforts. Frecklington had the ball in the net only to have it, rightly, ruled out for offside. Steve was giving the fourth official hell on the touch line. Just before the final whistle a Weds player burst into the area, slipped over, and screamed for a penalty. Mr Miller finally got something right and waved away the protests, then brought the game to an end. 0-0 and a moral victory to the Millers. I was able to release the breath I had been holding all day. Thank god for yet another blooming international break, time to get my breath back. Next up Birmingham at home in two weeks time. 

Men of the match

Ian - Alex Revell

Jackie - Richie Smallwood

Vicky - Ben 'He loves killing pigs' Pringle

Ian's award

Pringle getting manhandled just outside the area, no foul according to Mr Miller.

Funniest moment 

The giant blow up pig floating around the away end.

Millers fans poke at Stevie May, a player who almost signed for us but decided at the last minute to go to Hillsborough

'We got Clarke-Harris, you got a Scottish Gypo'

Toilet watch

Only four toilets, floor swimming with who knows what, no paper or paper towels. Very poor. 3/10

On the slide

Reading v Rotherham, Madejski Stadium and Pleasley road, Tues 4th Nov 

Moorgate road, 7.45am, a single magpie.

Kimberworth Road, 7.55am, a single magpie.

StocksBridge bypass 8.05am a single magpie.

With an away match against Reading this evening it was looking very bad. Each one was saluted with 'good morning Mr magpie' but the sense of dread remained. A very busy day at work ensured that I didn't think about that evening's match much at all. A text from Vicky later on informed me that Mr Russell had apologised and Jordan Bowery's red card had been rescinded. A bit of good news there then. Home and fed a couple of hours later the team news was in with even more good tidings. Alex Revell was playing. There were some mind games from Steve with him declaring that Revell may not play due to the kick in the head he received against Middlesborough. 

Unfortunately Steve had decided to give Matt Derbyshire yet another chance. We turned on the TV to watch sky's rolling result service, of course being a night match it was Jeff's young replacement in the studio not the great man himself. All started well, 0-0 after five minutes, and then being Ian's dad's birthday we headed down to his house to hand over the presents. 

Down at Pleasley Road his dad was very pleased with the ceramic knives we had bought him.

Checking my phone I could see it was still 0-0, after almost half an hour, than the magpies kicked in. 'Goal for Reading' screamed sky sports app 'Mackie 29 minutes'.Never mind, we can come back from 1-0, we have done before. More present unwrapping, the latest Wilbur Smith book, again delight. Halftime 1-0, all to play for in the second half. Kathy phoned and had a lovely long chat with grandma and Grandad. I checked my phone again 'Goal for Reading, Cox 55'. Never mind we can come back from 2-0, we have done before. More chatting and demonstrations of knives sharpness, then we set off for home. Back in front of the TV and young man told us 'Goal for Reading, Cox 64'. 3-0 is a bit of an ask even for Rotherham United. 'Shall we watch pointless' Said Ian 'yes I replied'. 

Final score 3-0, Next Up, the pigsty. 

Due to this being a match to forget there will be no funniest moment, men of the match or Ian's award tonight. All three will return on Saturday, along with the much requested toilet watch.